I am finally in China, where just six weeks ago I swore I could have crawled just to reach. I am teaching, as planned, earning RMB and trying in vain to speak Mandarin. I have new Chinese friends, a collection of mysterious foods in my counter, and even special Jasmine tea from the high mountains which I bought in Shanghai along with the silk Chinese dress I hope would fit soon.
I am getting the hang of the Chinese way of life. Even my Resident Permit is ironed out. Oh, and yes, before I forget: I got a boyfriend.
Everything has fallen into place, even with little surprises at the side. Okay, that was an understatement. The surprises were anything but little. But anyways, they are another story, and the point is...I am living the life that I had merely dreamed about just more than a month ago. Yet, I am plagued with that tormentingly repititive voice in my head, asking "Where do you go from here?"
China has HAPPENED. Why is it that I feel as though I want to be anywhere but here? THIS is what I had been wanting to experience, dying to experience while I was in the Philippines. So, WEI SHEN MA?
My thoughts at the moment go like this: I want to go to Australia or New Zealand to study Fashion Merchandising and at the same time, take some units in Journalism along with some Creative Writing courses. I want to be an intern at a fashion magazine, do a bit of photography as well, and eventually be a successful novelist. I would be able to save up, travel, take care of my family, and before I hit 30, marry if applicable.
IF ONLY I have sufficient money to do that, or just ANY to even THINK of it. But that's why I am here in China, right, to SAVE UP for the things I truly want to do? What's a year or two of suffering and professional stagnation when it could pay off a great deal in the future. I will just have to persevere and endure all of this.I am sure there's something else I could do while waiting for my break to come. It couldn't be as bad as it feels right now, could it?
I hope I could tell THAT to myself, and convince myself so. *sigh*
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
I Was On The Phone With Mom
It is March 11th. I have been here in China for a little over a month, and for the first time, I called my mother. It was just after I received my first pay, and after I managed to buy an IP card without much ado( translated: Pantomime) at a store near BHG. Surely, it helps when you know how to say the numbers in Chinese!
I refused to make sure how many minutes I got exactly, but I spent 35 RMB on a 100-Yuan card, and even a few minutes hearing my mother's voice would be worth it, though (of course) I'd have no idea whether the price I paid for it is reasonable.
But anyways, I can't begin to describe how it feels to be able to talk to anyone from home. It was all I could do not to break down to tears.I assured my mother that I'd be very careful not to fall victim for drug dealers here in China. Everything is fine, really, I kept telling her, as I was standing by the window, overlooking the busy , intersecting streets of Wangjing City from the 7th floor of the Loftel Building.
Then it simply happened. Cars halted to a stop when the light went red, and in a matter of seconds a grey car bumped into a much smaller cart, the cart overturned, and the next thing I knew loads of baggages and the cart's lone passenger ( a man whose age I couldn't calculate because I wasn't near enough) were sprawled on the street.
I froze for a second, totally forgetting what I have been telling my mom. Everything happened so damned fast.My mother was telling me to calm down, and take care of myself. I assured her I could do both. But of course, part of my mind had already gone somewhere else.
It is not the first time I have witnessed accidents. I think everyone at some point of his life has to witness one. There was a time I even seen someone died, right before my eyes. From a non-serious injury to some fatal death, I seen them all. They all seemed like a bad joke, even then.
What I keep hearing myself say is, "Anything can happen any moment." And it scares the daylights out of me. If I would die...
I don't even want to entertain the thought. But I would fight death, I am sure, if possible. I love life too much to simply die. There are so many things to do yet, so many unseen places to discover.My own life has just begun, come to think of it!
Eventually, I was able to calm my nerves. The ambulance arrived, the scene of the crime, err, accident, was cleared. Spectators simply began walking away, as if nothing happened. Thirty minutes after the incident, life went on. Life didn't even stop to some people, right. But to that man's family, it might have had. Who knows.
But one thing I know is that, the voice inside me is really right. Any moment, everything can change.
I refused to make sure how many minutes I got exactly, but I spent 35 RMB on a 100-Yuan card, and even a few minutes hearing my mother's voice would be worth it, though (of course) I'd have no idea whether the price I paid for it is reasonable.
But anyways, I can't begin to describe how it feels to be able to talk to anyone from home. It was all I could do not to break down to tears.I assured my mother that I'd be very careful not to fall victim for drug dealers here in China. Everything is fine, really, I kept telling her, as I was standing by the window, overlooking the busy , intersecting streets of Wangjing City from the 7th floor of the Loftel Building.
Then it simply happened. Cars halted to a stop when the light went red, and in a matter of seconds a grey car bumped into a much smaller cart, the cart overturned, and the next thing I knew loads of baggages and the cart's lone passenger ( a man whose age I couldn't calculate because I wasn't near enough) were sprawled on the street.
I froze for a second, totally forgetting what I have been telling my mom. Everything happened so damned fast.My mother was telling me to calm down, and take care of myself. I assured her I could do both. But of course, part of my mind had already gone somewhere else.
It is not the first time I have witnessed accidents. I think everyone at some point of his life has to witness one. There was a time I even seen someone died, right before my eyes. From a non-serious injury to some fatal death, I seen them all. They all seemed like a bad joke, even then.
What I keep hearing myself say is, "Anything can happen any moment." And it scares the daylights out of me. If I would die...
I don't even want to entertain the thought. But I would fight death, I am sure, if possible. I love life too much to simply die. There are so many things to do yet, so many unseen places to discover.My own life has just begun, come to think of it!
Eventually, I was able to calm my nerves. The ambulance arrived, the scene of the crime, err, accident, was cleared. Spectators simply began walking away, as if nothing happened. Thirty minutes after the incident, life went on. Life didn't even stop to some people, right. But to that man's family, it might have had. Who knows.
But one thing I know is that, the voice inside me is really right. Any moment, everything can change.
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