I am finally in China, where just six weeks ago I swore I could have crawled just to reach. I am teaching, as planned, earning RMB and trying in vain to speak Mandarin. I have new Chinese friends, a collection of mysterious foods in my counter, and even special Jasmine tea from the high mountains which I bought in Shanghai along with the silk Chinese dress I hope would fit soon.
I am getting the hang of the Chinese way of life. Even my Resident Permit is ironed out. Oh, and yes, before I forget: I got a boyfriend.
Everything has fallen into place, even with little surprises at the side. Okay, that was an understatement. The surprises were anything but little. But anyways, they are another story, and the point is...I am living the life that I had merely dreamed about just more than a month ago. Yet, I am plagued with that tormentingly repititive voice in my head, asking "Where do you go from here?"
China has HAPPENED. Why is it that I feel as though I want to be anywhere but here? THIS is what I had been wanting to experience, dying to experience while I was in the Philippines. So, WEI SHEN MA?
My thoughts at the moment go like this: I want to go to Australia or New Zealand to study Fashion Merchandising and at the same time, take some units in Journalism along with some Creative Writing courses. I want to be an intern at a fashion magazine, do a bit of photography as well, and eventually be a successful novelist. I would be able to save up, travel, take care of my family, and before I hit 30, marry if applicable.
IF ONLY I have sufficient money to do that, or just ANY to even THINK of it. But that's why I am here in China, right, to SAVE UP for the things I truly want to do? What's a year or two of suffering and professional stagnation when it could pay off a great deal in the future. I will just have to persevere and endure all of this.I am sure there's something else I could do while waiting for my break to come. It couldn't be as bad as it feels right now, could it?
I hope I could tell THAT to myself, and convince myself so. *sigh*
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