Dear Aliens:

I hope this mail finds you guys in good health. What prompted this strange missive is the urgency of my situation here on Earth. I am in such a complicated mental state that I am fervently wishing that somehow my message would come across as I am praying it to be, considering the language barrier that is potentially a..well, barrier.

I NEED TO GET AWAY. FAST. PLEASE KIDNAP ME.

I would greatly appreciate any  immediate action regarding this apparently odd request. I could further explain my circumstances in the near future. I vow to you my wish is justifiable. You will not regret kidnapping me. I will be the most cooperative Earthling in the universe. Please please please...

Respectfully yours,

Loissa