I Wish I ...

Before anything else, let me say how happy I was that Bes, for the first time in a long time, went online today, we talked for more than five minutes, and she did not ignore me. In fact, she PM'd me first. How unusual, considering how busy she's been sitting on her baby! Haha

(Just kidding, Bes. Miss you.)

Anyways, what prompted the little research that I just finished is our conversation. It went something like this (as best as I could recall since I was brain-dead at the time):

Me: Bes, I hope we can go to Buto't Balat; but it's your treat since I am penniless.
Bes:  YOU, Bes, penniless?!
Me: I wish I were kidding. But life's a bitch, and it has puppies.
Bes: ADIK. (all caps?) "Were", not "was"?
Me: Doesn't matter. It's like saying "If I were a boy...", when you express a wish or something, you use 'were'. I think it's not about the subject's being plural or singular. It's kind of ..subjunctive tense, er, mood of the verb.

At this point, I was alarmed. OMG. I know I am right to use 'were' but I could not EXPLAIN it properly. Like, shame, because I am an English major..so shouldn't I KNOW the reason beyond something so simple?Jeez. When Bes practically vanished (translated: went offline) I promptly did research for my own sake. Mentally, I could not let it go until I make sure I am getting my grammar rules right.

As I learned way back, the English language has three verb moods:  the Indicative, Imperative, and the Subjunctive. The mood of the verb is the manner in which an action is carried out. Indicative mood states a fact, imperative states a command or a question, and subjunctive mood expresses desire, doubt, supposition and a condition contrary to fact.

I used to confuse verb mood with tense and form but as I've found out, tense shows the time an action occurred (think IS, WAS, WILL) while verb forms are BASE, INFINITIVE, PAST SIMPLE, etc. You get the idea.

Going back, a verb in subjunctive mood is most often found in a clause beginning with the word if, as well as clauses following a verb that expresses a doubt, a wish, regret, request, demand, or proposal. In modern English, it is found only in subordinate or dependent clauses.

The subjunctive mood of the verb to be is be in the present tense and were in the past tense, regardless of what the subject is.

That in mind, we conclude that it's correct to say "I wish I WERE joking." The second verb is in a clause following a verb expressing a wish. It also suggests a non-factual or doubtful condition. (So, so cerebral! haha) Sometimes we may use the conditional auxiliary verbs of could, should, or would to express the same sense: I wish I could be joking.

These are verbs typically followed by clauses that take the subjunctive: ask, demand, determine, insist, move, order, pray, prefer, recommend, regret, request, require, suggest, and wish. 

Whew! How enlightening. But I badly need to review those dusty, yellowed grammar books I've been keeping in the closet (or maybe under my bed???). Ha. I wish I knew.