Jitters

I must admit that there were times I have the maturity level of a third grader, and my irrational thoughts are way too irrational that they consciously embarrass even me, wanting me to either change my face or bite my own head off . But friends of mine recently got married...and inevitably, by reasonable stretch of imagination, I thought of my own wedding. A wedding which, truthfully, I am doubting if would ever take place at all, if the availability of potential grooms were any indication. But let us not dwell on the rapidly decreasing population of straight men in the Philippines, more specifically of straight men who by my standards are not colossal jackasses. Ha!


The thing is, and I have not told many people about this, weddings scare me. At this point when I think of weddings I am more likely to associate them with wailing flower girls and ring bearers, children knocking into everything (narrowly missing your wedding cake), bad wedding pictures, party crashers, awkward toasts, best friends unearthing your most embarrassing moments, drunken guests, faulty sound system...you get the idea. PETTY, PETTY stuff. I know, I am such a freak to be scared of being embarrassed (embarrassed!) at my own wedding over unimportant things. But it's a relief, at least, that I realize how unreasonable my train of thoughts could get, and that eventually I'd get over my twisted concept of my own wedding turning out to be a compilation of nightmares.


The point of the whole thing is to celebrate a blessed union, making your vows to that 'One and Only' with God as witness, along with the people who love you both and wish you only the best. (If only THAT idea would penetrate deep enough into my brain!) A wedding is a very special and sacred ceremony. It's just that I always pictured my own wedding to be a private affair. Private to me means just me and my groom, exchanging vows in the sunset and walking barefoot on the cool shore at night. I would want only closest friends and selected family members to be in attendance. It's unthinkable not to have with you your loved ones, and no further elaboration on the matter is warranted.


Of course, I don't have details on anything else such as the way napkins should be folded because I want to leave as many things unplanned and unfold on their own.Isn't it a comfort that my wedding probably wouldn't take place soon? I have around 6 years to learn dealing with my anxiety in a socially acceptable manner. Haha I doubt at 28, I would still be worrying over these non-consequential matters the same way I am now. Time heals all wounds and (help me God) eventually reduce irrational, untimely wedding jitters. :)